Hobbit High school
by Reenava
Summary: bilbo baggins goes to totally middle earth high, a high skewl full of hobbits, dwavres, humans, elves and even dragons! Biblo is going on an adventure with him friends but Smaug the totally school bully the evil dragon will seek to thwart him! Stay tuna to see what happens. Jus a fun sotry about the hobit.
1. Chapter 1

Hi erveryone I had to read the hobbit for a writing class im taking so I can writee better fanfic, I decided to write a quick fanfic. It will only be a few chapters though not very long.

* * *

am totally Bilbo Baggins. I walked through the totally double doors to my totally high school, Middle Earth High. I saw totally Gandalf in the corridor. Gandalf is like, totally a nerd but I like him anyway cos he's nice. Except he's kind of condescending. Oh totally well. I totally saw... LEGOLAS! Legless was the most popular kid at Middle Earth high, he wos a sports jock he did archery. Him had long blonde hair like a babrie doll.

I saw totally Thorin, he came up to me.

"Hi will u give me and my like 12 friends lunch"

"wtf no"

"Shut up ur a stupid hobbit."

Suddenly handalf came up to us. "What is going on?" Gandalf is the princapel of hobbit high.

"He's been mean," i saed.

"Thorin why are you being mean to frodo"

"WTF my name is biblo."

"Sorry bible baggins, anyway why are you being ruid?"

"Because I need a burgler for my adventure and hes useless"

"Im not A BURGER!" I shouted angry

"calm down geez," said thorin

Suddenly the totally school bully, Smaug the dragon came up to us. Everyone hated him cos he smoked and set things on fire with him explode cigarattes. He also stole everyone money.

"Go away smaug no one likes you," said Thorin

Smaug burst into teers and ran away

"That was mean thorin is today like national be mean to everyone day? You should apopoagise" said ganelf

"no."

* * *

In our next class which was shampoo, Legolas favourite class, Thorin came up to me making a shampoo for beards. It was actually science but we were making our own shampoo formulas 2day.

"Dildo Baggins I have a secret plan," said throin, "We can overthrow smaug"

I gapsed and SHRIKED and fainted. When I woke up I was in the infirmaryer, there wos another kid there his name is gollum he's rly weird. He was saying my precious to hisself. He had a ring but he dropped it. I picked it up and put it on and suddenly.. INVISIBILE! I snuck up to Thonren and slap him in face.

"That's 4 bean mean." then I took off ring

"wow how you invisible?" said htroe, too enthrolled by the invisableity ring to bee angery at get slapin face. It not matter anyway cos he already ugly.

"Im not telling, I said." But we cn use ths power against smog" I said.

Thorin agreed with me, he went up to his friend Fili or whatever. I can't remmeber like 12 dwarf names. "Fili let's- OH EM GEE !" he suddenly went

but u have to wait till next chapter to see why he go OH EM GEE becaus that's how stories work

* * *

I'M BACK yes still posting ridiculous fanfic. Maybe I will post real stuff one day.


	2. Chapter 2 where we meet bjorn and suron

It turned out Thoren or whatever him name is went OH EM GEE because he saw... SAURON THE NERCOMANCER! Sauren raised ppl from th ded cos thats what necromanters do.

"oh em totes gee," I sed to solomon, "What are you doing here? You don't even go here." Then I remembered I was a cowerd and fanted again

When I woked up i cud hear voices. I heard sureman talking to totally the dwarves. "Why are you totes here"

"I want to confess my totally secret luv to... GDANALF!" saed surn.

Sudden Gandalf came in.

"my luv," said sue

"No go away i hate you youre like totes evil and stuff," said totally gandalf. "You're expelled"

"you carnt exple me i dont go here. besides im like 1000 thats too old for sckewl"

"oh well youre still expelled get out.

snero ran away CRYIN.

"omg now i feel bad," said gandlef.

"Well never mind that who cares about him hes just a lame loser nercomonter, we need to go to my house which got taken over by smeg the dragon."

I remembered that we were toally supposed to be fitin smawg the drgen. "He tooked over your house?" I gapsed like :O

"Yes, we have to save him. Im going on a quets now and i pick fili, killy, face, some other dwares and... bimbo baggins!"

"yay me," i sed because he said my name which was bilby bagends

* * *

we stole some pornies from the stbales where they totally live and we rode off into the mountain. In the mountaon wos another high skool... Goblin high. It was full of goblens and the most popular one was called the Goblin Chief. Him said

"hah you loser you whear last year fashion"

"no one calls thorin a bad fashion!" angried throen and PNUCH goelbin chief in the face. him even uglier now.

the goblin ran away cryinf and all his friends went to say "omg what a jerk is that dwarf we will have renvenge"

but they didnt get revenge because we snuck off when they werent lukin. The problem wos... we ran into the basketball cort where the totally warg basketball team was practincin. They were wolves so not very good at basketball but they thort they were

they bark at us cos wolves cant speak. uh oh they were about to EAT us. but suddenly...

"haha u guys suck at barsketbol, the eagle team way better!" said an eegle

"wtf," said the wolf, he had learn how to speak becos so affronted by that totes uncalled for comment. I dident care that he was upset tho he deserved t be. he ran away n cried

"thanks for getting rid of those totes evil woofs," I said to the eagle. "Hey can you give us a lift?"

"Sure said the eegle, my car is just over here." His car was a pretty bad one from like the 80s but we didnt say anything because he was being nice and giving us a lift.

some dwarves had to sit on teh roof which sucked for them but idgaf because i was a hobbit so i could fit in the glovebox. Anyway we arrived at Beorn house he was having a totes party

Beorn was a bear but it wos okay because if im frends with dwarves i might as well be friends with bears and stuff.

"Rawr XD" said beron he was an emo bear/ well not emo but like a scene kid. I guess the year is like the 1940s or something, which was when Avril LAvigne was popler. I fink so anyway, im not very good at histery. I remembered my history class with a horse named Shadowfacts as the teacher

"okay bible baggins what year did logales the famous elf born in?"

"umm 2006?"

the whole class laughed. "omg bilbo ur so dumb it's not even 2006 yet."

i shook the memory from my head which had hair on it. Instead I focused on Beorn do the bear dance. He did a silly dance like a bear at a circus. i dont approve of cicurces by the way

Him totes bf was there, he wos a wulf but not like an evil one like in the mountain. Sudden Born bf take off him wolf outfit... it just an outfit! Everyone gapsed.

"oh my dog how could you betray me like this?" beorn said but he didnt run off crying because he wos brave and stoic

"Bnorn we need help," said ganflad who had driven there in his wizard car.

"wtf gandlaf youre so insenstivive"

"We need to go in the foest will you lend us some ponies ours got eaten"

"okay," said beorn. Then he went back to dancing and played beethoven or something on the radio, which was the party beat in that year. Then totally Snoop dogg came on the radio.

but the party got crashed by... SMAUG THE DRAGON!1!111!


	3. Chapter 3 where smaug burns down a house

Oh my totally gods! The totoally dragen Smorg had BROKEN INTO THE PARTY! He was totes drinking all the alcohole and knockin over the party decorations. he even ate legolas!

I totes dident know what to do butt then I saw gandalf's cat sitting in a parking spot with the keys still in the cognition. I qwuickly hopped into the totes carr but then I remembered i dont know how to drive. I quickly looked up on my hobbit phone how to drive a car. fankfully im a fast learner so i drove off. i put my foot on the crotch and excellarotor. I sped off at 1000 miles per hower.

sudden i heard GANDALF shout at me "what the mordor Dildo baggins, you totally stole my car! Thorin is right, ur a BURGER!;

I was so upset abowt that that i forgot how todrive n totally crashed the wizard car. "OH MY GODS BIMBO BAGGINS YOU CRASHED MY CAR NOW IT'S DESTROYED!"

I ran away and put on my invisibilty ring

"ur EXPELLED"

unfortenyly i was only a few metres away from the party an now born's house was on FIAR. fankfully sean bean appared and put out the fire. "one does not siply walk into mordor' he said

now that the fire was owt I decided to catch the bus home back to the Shire where I lived. I was omost home when I notic3d smaug was on the bust too. He said 'wah' which is the crying noise , he was crying. I asked him wats wong smawg

He said "I was sad that no1 invited me to the party. ive got no frends :("

"wow that rly sucks to hear smarg, maybe you have no frends because ur so mean"

smegma started crying harder. "im mean beCUZ i have no frends!"

"why dont i be ur friend?"

"omg would you? I'll give you some gold!"

"u dont have to give me anyfing, i just wanna be ur friend :)"

"okay, but here'sa birfday present' he said even though it wasnt my totally birthday. "it' called the arkenstne"

wow totally thanks! "I said."

* * *

the next day i was ttlly at skewl. I saw a totelly person nmaed bard. he said he had deefeeted smorg. to prove he showee me SMUG DEAD BODY IN THE TOILETS! I cred. I only ever had one frend and now he totally dead. I sat in the hallway crying when sudden gnadelf come up to me. "what are you doing here coin baggins youre expelled"

then he said 'turn out ur pockets' so I did, in there was my fone, it was only an iphone 5 because the year was like 1940 so the teknology isent very advanced. there was also the arkenstone

"that's ILLEGAL! the arkenstone is made of COCAINE!"

he called the totally police, they were hobbits with heary feet and ears. "bilbo you are going to jail." the police were elves so they put me in elf jail. I noticed that thorin and his dwarf friends were there. I looked at thorin and asked why he was here, he was totally there becus he got blamed for burning down Bjrn's house after smaug death

* * *

I totally dsiguised myself as a tomato and escaped. I decided even tho i dintl ike thorin id help him escape. i fownd some barrls in the totally scellar and put the dawafs in them, tey fit cos they were small!

but LEGLESS SAW US... well hus ghost legality was dead lol. He made a ghost noise and ALL THE TOALLY ELFS SAW US i abowt to die, they all had guns pointed at us, well bows and arrows cos guns werent inventd yet in the 1940s

STAY TUNA FOR MORE!


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